It’s taken me a month and a bit to reach this point. Truth be told, I’ve been dragging my feet toward this particular checkpoint. Since resuming this series at the start of the year, I’ve been tiptoeing round a conclusion I was too scared to actually articulate.

It was a conclusion I turned into a sub-series within the diary as a delay tactic. I’d reached a decision about my output over the holidays, but when it came time to put that decision into practice, I told myself it could wait. Well, the inevitable has now arrived.

I’m slowing down my writing output for the foreseeable future.

This isn’t just about my work for Spotlight Indie. I’ve dialled back on several of my creative projects. Somewhere along the line, doubt and desire create an unhealthy mixture that pushed me into another state of working myself silly. As a result, creating stopped being a dream and turned into yet another grind. I was writing, editing, and planning during every second outside of my work hours.

I had warped productivity into yet another coping mechanism; one I told myself would be the answer to all my troubles, provided I did it none stop and without rest. Except all I was doing was turning the thing I loved into another chore. Overtime, my relationship with art started shifting from a form of self-expression to rigid activity I felt I had to excel at.

As of today, I am stepping on the brakes. Does this mean I am going to shut down my computer and never write a sentence again? Absolutely not. Does this mean that Synthetic Empires is destined to gather dust as it did back when it was a half-finished television series? No way! Will I go back to sitting around, feeling sad that my creative dreams are fading before me? Nah.

Because this is the plan. 

Synthetic Empires will absolutely continue. Heck, I’ve even been drafting out some notes on it as of this evening. I’ve made some pretty impressive breakthroughs in terms of its perspective and format which I think is really going to give it the jolt it needs to really come to life in my mind. I am not giving up on this novel, and I still intend to complete it. 

The main difference is that I’m loosening the deadline for a little while. I’m going to write it as and when time is on my side. During the hectic weeks or periods where my mental health is truly in the gutter, I’ll step back from it. I will turn the development and publishing of this book into a paced journey, not a sprint. I will not force myself to write it when the ideas aren’t flowing or the desire isn’t there. I need to take my time on it to stop it from becoming yet another demand in what already feels like quite a demanding life.

As for my time working alongside the wonderful Spotlight Team, that will not be coming to an end, at least not in the long term. 2025 was one of the most rewarding experiences in my creative life, entirely thanks to this incredible team. I have no desire to walk away to never return. It has been far too wonderful for me to vanish into the ether. However I will be taking a hiatus for the foreseeable future. This is only a temporary decision, I must stress. Whilst I try to get a better handle on my worklife, private life, and mental wellbeing, I will be stepping down as I work on myself. Once things have stabilized and I’m in a better state, I’ll be returning for sure! In the meantime, my involvement will be limited. I may make a cameo from time-to-time, to assist with articles and various other projects, should the opportunity make itself apparent. But in terms of regular posts and contributions, this will go quiet for a brief while.

This isn’t the end of the Amber Diaries. For one thing, they have been far too helpful for my writing journey over the last year. These entries have helped me overcome writer’s block, wrestle away my doubt, and give clarity to ideas which weren’t quite taking shape in my own head. Contributing these chapters has felt like conversing with a wise old friend who just so happens to be residing in my subconscious. It’s been an utter delight. Again, how could I wave farewell to all of that. But again, the entries will become much less regular. Perhaps they will take the form of some clustered mini-series over the coming months. Eventually, I hope to return to my regular twice-weekly posts, but for now, I need to prioritise rest, recovery, and figuring out how to better get a handle on myself. 

So here we are, not at the end of my time at Spotlight Indie, by any stretch of the word, but at a brief hiatus. I’m not saying goodbye for good, but I’m taking a bow before embarking on my recess. This particular diary is far from its last page, rest assured, but there might be a bit of gap before chapter 43 is published. 

Before I kick off my metaphorical shoes and indulge in my temporary lie-down, I’d like to send a massive thank you to everyone who’s joined me on this bumpy-yet delightful journey up until this point. The sheer fact that you’ve taken so much of your time to follow my entries, devour my barmy notions, and track my novel-writing progress means the absolute world to me. Never in a million years did I imagine another soul would actually want to hear me waffle on about the writing process. Knowing so many of you have hopped aboard to cheer me on honestly warms my heart like nothing else.

So, thank you. Truly. I absolutely will be back to resume this ride in the coming months. Your companionship and support has been the very thing keeping my foot on the gas over this past year, and it’s what will keep me moving forward when the time comes for me to return to this particular vehicle.

Likewise, a mountain-sized shoutout is in order for the incredible darlings who make up the Spotlight Indie crew. The sheer passion and limitless creativity that Holly, Frasier, Alex, Tim and Jamie bring to the table is as delightful as it is inspiring. Their unwavering commitment to this project, not to mention the infectious enthusiasm they inject into every post, upload and interview, has been genuinely lifechanging. The work they’re doing here means the world not just to me, but to the wider indie community as a whole. For years, far too many starry-eyed authors and artists have dreamt of a space where creatives can band together and share their love of writing. Spotlight Indie is exactly that; a dazzling beacon shining a light on the dreams of many. It’s a true salvation of a space, and I am eternally grateful for all the incredible work they are continuing to do for this community. 

And on that note, I’m finally popping off for a wee while, dear listeners. But fear not, for I’ll be back before you know it! Until then, take care of yourselves, stay safe, and get yourself feared up for the absolute treasure trove of delights the Spotlight team are continuing to cook up for your behind the scenes!

Much love, and I’ll see you all at the Spotlight Live on the 23rd of May. 

Yup, I’ll be there, making a crafty little cameo!